Bloodhound Gang – Three Point One Four (Guitar Acoustic)

D
My last girlfriend didn't like me

D
Thought she might be most likely a dyke

D               A
She just didn't excite me

A
Lefty? Yeah, but that was all right

A
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright

Bm
My mistake, she was more flaky than a leper colony

Bm
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company

A
Ass like a donkey actin' funky

A
Gave her L, now she's a flunky

A
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys

D
Early bird gets the worm

D
Spread your legs or spread the word

D
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd?

A
I'm white, which goes with everything

A
But I can come in any color

A
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother

Bm
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy

Bm
And how many girls do you know

Bm
That can play the harmonica with their pussies?

A
Like 'em easy and hot and sweet

A
Like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee

A                                     N.C
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

D         A      Bm   A
I need to find a new vagina

D    A      Bm  A
Any kind of new vagina

D            A       Bm        A
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina

D             A
Calvin Klein? Kind of

Bm    A
North Carolina

D
Women are like dog doo

D
Hear me through, don't interrupt

D
It's just the older that they are, the easier they get to pick up

D            A
I'd fill the generation gap

A
Clean the cobwebs from her rafters

A
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture

Bm
No age just ain't a gauge

Bm
I like my girls like my cheese

Bm
Preferably for me, fat-free American singles only

Bm        A
I want my next chick anorexic

A
The winner is the thinner

A
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner

A    D
Like Sizzler

D
She got a beef, we'll chew the fat

D
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap

D            A
Let her lash out and crack the whip

A
But not in bed, I don't play rough

A
No, I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up

A        Bm
Just independent like NOFX

Bm
Smart like Janeane Garofalo

Bm
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know

A
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee

A                                      N.C
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

D         A      Bm   A
I need to find a new vagina

D    A      Bm  A
Any kind of new vagina

D            A       Bm        A
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina

D             A
Calvin Klein? Kind of

Bm    A
North Carolina

D         A      Bm   A
I need to find a new vagina

D    A      Bm  A
Any kind of new vagina

D            A       Bm        A
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina

D             A
Calvin Klein? Kind of

Bm    A
North Carolina

D
Vagina

A
Vagina

Bm
Vagina

A
Vagina

D
Vagina

A
Vagina

Bm
Vagina

A
Vagina