"Weird Al" Yankovic – Your Horoscope For Today (Guitar)

C                                F                C                     F                 C
Aquarius! There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus,

          F                      C                           F          C
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-a-mole 17 hours a day

C                 F                C             F          C
Pieces! Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola Virus

             F               C                           F               C
You are the true lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

C                       F                               C              F                  C
Aries! The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40lb watermelon in your colon

                           F                                  C
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, and give a hickey to Meryl Streep

C                       F                   C                   F           C
Taurus! You will never find true happiness, what you gonna do, cry about it?

          F                       C                      F                           C
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today

C                     F                    C                   F            C
Gemini! Your birthday party will be ruined once again, by your explosive flatulence,

                     F                         C                F
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

C                       F                             C                     F              C
Cancer! The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud

           F                C                           F
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driving test

C                      F                         C                       F                   C
Leo! Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your bosses face, oh no,

                  F                         C                   F
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick

C                 F             C            F                        C
Virgo! All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent, EXCEPT FOR YOU!

           F                  C                         F
Expect a big surprise today, when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today

F                     G
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very

 Em                              F
least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the

F                                  G
planets and the stars could have a special deep significance

    Em                         F
or meaning that exclusively applies to only you

            F                               G
But let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions

         Em                       F
are all based on solid scientfic documented evidence

   F                                 G
so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that

Em
every single one of them is absolutely true

C             F                            C                             F                 C
Libra! A big promotion is just around the corner, for someone much more talented than you!

                 F                     C                       F
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

C                          F            C                                 F           C
Scorpio! Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window,

                 F                           C               F
Work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak

C                      F                    C
Sagittarius! All your friends are laughing behind your back, "Kill them..."

                  F                    C                        F
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

C              F                     C                   F                              C
Capricorn! The stars say you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying,

                  F                            C                     F
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G
 That's your horoscope for today

C            Dm              Em  F
 That's your horoscope for today ay-ay-ay-ay

G                            C   F G7
 That's your horoscope for today