Tim Minchin – Hello (Guitar)

      E
[tab]                     B/D#
Welcome to my show

                        D       Dsus2
I'm glad that you could come

      A
We're gonna have a hoot

      D          B/D# E
We're gonna have some fun

          E
Sit back

                             E/D#
Put your feet up and relax

                             D    Dsus2
I hope you've had a drink or three

    A
The more you've drunk

    D           B/D# E
The better I’ll ever be

    A
And if you have a mobile phone

    Am
Please turn it off

    E
Thank you

    A
And if you have Tourette's syndrome

    Am                            E
Just do whatever it is you people do

    F#                          A
And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy

E                A     B   E
Maybe you should chuff off home

         A                    E
Cos it's only gonna get worse

A                    E
Only gonna get worse

A
Only gonna get worse

         E
From now on……………c**t

A
My name is Tim

D             A
I write funny songs and sing

A                      B               E7
And if you don't think funny songs are funny

     A
Well I respect your right

   D             A
To think exactly what you like

           A                E7                A
But you're sure as shit not getting back your money

    Dmaj7                        A        E/G#       F#m   F#m/E
And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say

       D              Dmaj7  A     E/G#    F#m   F#m/E
That I read your publication every single day

    Dmaj7          Bø       C#7             F#m
And I agree with absolutely everything you say

                        Dmaj9                         Bø/D
I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful, eloquent, insightful writer

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Writing on the subject of the arts

Dmaj9
But if you write a bad review

  Bø/D
I promise you I'll come round to your house

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And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants

         B11
I'll lay turds!

            C11
In all your plants!

            C#11
Your indoor plants!

      F#
Hello

                  C#/E#
Welcome to my show

                       Esus2
I'm glad you all could come

     B                 E       C#/E#   F#
It's time for a little audience participation

      F#
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)

      E
Sing, "Yeah!"      (Yeah!)

      B
Sing, "Yeah yeah yeah!"   (Yeah yeah yeah!)

      F#
Sing, "Ooo yeah!"   (Ooo yeah!)

      F#
Sing, "I am an audience member!"      (I am an audience member!)

E
"Why are you making me sing?"      (Why are you making me sing?)

B
"You self indulgent wanker!"      (You self indulgent wanker!)

      F#
"Just get on with the fucking show!"   (Just get on with the fucking show!)