Tim Minchin – 10 Foot Cock And A Few Hundred Virgins (Guitar)

D6        xx0202
B/C       x34442 or x3444x

Em
   So you're gonna live in Paradise, ... with a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins.

Em                             B    B(b9)  B
   So you're gonna live in Paradise,

                                       Em
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,

                               B    B(b9)  B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life

                  C
For a ride on a UFO,

             C#dim7                   D                     E E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation,

Am7          D6              G       B    C B
You're gonna be the first to know, ouoh.

          B/C B
And so if...

Em                          C
God was there from the very beginning

                    D
He invented men and women,

                      B7
Then He also invented wanking,

                         Em
Then He said wanking was sinning.

                  C
So if I'm feeling randy

                        D
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy,

                       B7
But having sex with my family,

N.C.                 C
that is just fucking great.

     B                    Em
It's all there in Ezekial 8,

         E7                            Am
Just before He opens up His big pearly gate,

    Ammaj7           Am7
And says that it's a sin

   Am7add13       Em
To take it up the date,

Emmaj7       Em7
Even if it's great,

     Em6              C    
Even with your cowboy mate.

    B
E |--------------------------|
B |-5--4---------------------|
G |-------5--4--2-4-5-4------|
D |---------------------5--4-|
A |--------------------------|
E |--------------------------|

Em                            B    B(b9)  B
  So you're gonna live in Paradise,

                                     Em
With a ten-foot cock and few hundred virgins,

                               B    B(b9)   B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life

                          C
For a shot at the greener grass,

             C#dim7                   D              E  E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his shining rod of judgement,

Am7        D6              G       B    C B
He's gonna kick my heathen arse, ouoh.

          B/C B
So if you...

Em                       C
Cover the bodies of your women

             D
Everybody is grinning,

                    B7
Because black is so slimming,

                          Em
Though it's not great for swimming.

                     C
But it gives you an erection,

                          D
With the increased sexual tension,

                      B7
What with the U.V. protection

N.C.              C
That is second to none.

       B                  Em
You'll find it all in the Quran

     E7                             Am
Just next to the bit that justifies guns,

    Ammaj7           Am7
And says that it's a sin

   Am7add13       Em
To take it up the bum,

Emmaj7       Em7
Even if it's fun,

             Em6       C
Even with permission from your mum.

    B
E |--------------------------|
B |-5--4---------------------|
G |-------5--4--2-4-5-4------|
D |---------------------5--4-|
A |--------------------------|
E |--------------------------|

Em                            B
  So you're gonna live in Paradise

                                       Em
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,

                               B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life

                    C
For a shot at eternity,

             C#dim7               D                E  E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down and I haven't done my penance,

Am7        D6         G     B    C B
He's gonna disembowel me, ouoh.

            B/C B
You say that...

     B/Eb  B  Bm  B/Eb
If I...

Em                                           C
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker,

                            D
That a muffin presupposes a baker,

                            B7
So you must agree sooner or later,

                                   Em
That this proves that there's a creator.

                         C
So if I put my foot in a stinker,

                                D
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter,

                                  B7
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker

                        C
To coclude that God's a bum,

        B                          Em
Which negates the words of Genesis 1

      E7                         Am
Which made Him out to be so much fun,

  Ammaj7      Am7
Until Adam succumbed

Am7add13  Em
To temptation,

    Emmaj7        Em7
And then His only son

    Em6         Am
Got nailed to a gum,

       Ammaj7          Am7
Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent,

         Am7add13         Em
Which suggests that God's omniscience

   Emmaj7             Em7
Is nullified by His ambivilance,

          Em6                 Am
Unless it turns out that He's impotent,

       Ammaj7          Am7
And if God can't get a boner,

        Am7add13             Em
I guess that explains the plethora

         Emmaj7          Em7
Of huge erections in His honour -

           Em6                         Cmaj7              Em           Em/Bb                   Am
Because we all know a steeple's just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff penis

         Ammaj7             Am7
Still He tells us that it's heinous

           Am7add13      Em
To stick a penis up your anus,

Emmaj7         Em7
Even if you're famous,

     Em6               C
Even if you're good at tennis.

   B
E |------------------|
B |-5-4--------------|
G |-----5-4-2-4------|
D |-------------0-1--|
A |------------------|
E |------------------|

Em                            C
  So you're gonna live in Paradise

      B7                              Em
Witha ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,

                               C
So you're gonna sacrifice your life

      B7          C
For a ride on a UFO,

             C#dim7                   D        Dsus4             E  E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his big stiff slippery, rod of judgement,

Am7       D6              Bm7
I'm gonna be the first to go,

           E7             Am7
He's gonna send me down below,

           D6               G
He's gonna whip me like his hoe,

           E9
You really think so,

Am7          D6              G   C Dbadd#11 Dadd11 G
   I'm gonna be the first to go.