Stephen Lynch – Down To The Old Pub Instead (Guitar)

G                      D
Lad, it's your duty to find you a lass

     C                        D
with child-bearing hips and a pink supple ass

    G                     D                 C     D
And make her you wife and love her with love so true

          G                      D
Now, some rivers run high, some rivers run low

         C                         D
When her river runs red then she's starting her flow

         G                       D                       C    D
And it's called menstruation and here's what it means to you

         Em                      C
You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first

      G                 D
Stand back, her ovarian dam's gonna burst

   Em                       C
So don't be afraid, it's a natural thing

     G                      D
Just wind up some cotton and give her some string

C
Put the old linens on top of the bed

    C                        D
Get out of the house and go down to the old pub

  G     D   C   D
instead.

       G                      D
She'll retain her water, her breasts will be tender

    C                         D
And every third word that you say will offend her

    G                       D                     C      D
Get out of the house and go  down to the old pub instead

           G                          D
And she'll want to make love, if you do you're a fool

             C                  D
Cause you'll only end up with a bloody o'tool

    G                    D                     C      D
Get out of the house, down to the old pub instead

           Em                     C
And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins

    G                         D
But son it'll taste like some old rusty coins

   Em                          C
So turn off the lights boy and take off your hat

    G                          D
And drop to your knees, say a prayer to St Pat

     C
That he'll give you the strength to get out of the bed

        C                  D
And for Ireland's sake go down to the old pub

  G     D   C   D
instead.

        Em                         C
Now the pub is the place where the lads are a meeting

G                            D
When the moon's full and the girls are a bleedin'

    Em                         C
The catholic, the protestant, even the pagan

    G                          D
The pub is the place when lady is raggin'

   C
So drink of your pint boys, and thank your shamrocks

        C
That as men folk we don't have to bleed from our cocks

         C
And that we can escape from the lady in red

        C                       D
And get out of the house and go down to the old pub

e|------------3---|
B|----------3-----|
G|--------0-------|
D|------0---------|
A|----2-----------|
E|--3-------------|
  instead.