Squeeze – Its Not Cricket (Ukulele)

D
She used to a topless down at the Surrey docks,

F
With tassles on her wotsits, she did a t'riffic job,

D                  Bb           Bb    A         C#    C# Eb
Of raising all the eyebrows, of every lunchtime mob.

F
She went with all the tossers, who kick about a ball,

A
They say their club's the greatest and she has kissed them all,

F              C#            C# C           D
At the Arndale Centre, she's up against the wall.

  D     A    G     A   G      A   D   A
I can't name names cos that's not cricket,

  D     A    G     A          G  A  D  A
I can't name names that would put me in it,

Bb          F            E      A
But that's another story in the finish.

D
I saw them at the pictures, a tangled heap of love,

F
He had so many women, but only classy stuff.

D                Bb        Bb        A      C#          C# Eb
I saw him at the clinic, a pink card up his cuff

F
One holiday in Bognor, a stag night hit the town,

A
The groom was in the car park, with his trousers down,

F                  C#         C#       C     D
But that's another story that won't be going round.

  D     A    G     A   G      A   D   A
I can't name names cos that's not cricket,

  D     A    G     A          G   A  D  A
I can't name names that would put me in it.

Bb          F            E      A
But that's another story in the finish.

D
The Deptford had a beano, to Southend for the night,

F
With forty crates of lager, to see the Southend lights,

D                       Bb         Bb         A        C#      C# Eb
They got home for their breakfast, pissed out of their minds.

F
This girl gave me the minces, so I asked her for a dance,

A
And in the death I kissed, and so I took a chance,

F                  C#             C#       C        D
And when I went to touch her, she tried to break my arm.

  D     A    G     A   G      A   D   A
I can't name names cos that's not cricket,

  D     A    G     A          G   A  D  A
I can't name names that would put me in it.

Bb          F            E      A
But that's another story in the finish.

A                            D A
'Know what I mean, eh? Bob?'