Misc Originals – Chris Minton - Dishwasher Installation Blues (Guitar)

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I’m not a terribly efficient man, especially when it comes to washing dishes by hand

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and the house I lived in only had a sink

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I thought what the heck I’ll even the score, so I went to the local hardware store

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and bought a brand new dishwasher without giving it a second think

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Didn’t figure installing it would be that bad, since all I know about plumbing I learned from my dad

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But then it occurred to me I’d never seen my father plumb

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Oh I’d seen him plumb drunk and I’d seen him plumb mad, and when the Wildcats lost he’d get plumb sad

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But when it comes to the flow of water, we’re both kind of dumb

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But that didn’t stop me no sir-ee, so I shut off the water right after I peed,

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And set out to put that Whirlpool in its place

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I took it out of the box and I concluded, that none of the necessary parts were included,

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So I’d have to regroup if I wanted to finish this race

C                G       F#      Em
I’m under water and I’m over my head

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I tried to get my feet wet but I’m getting hosed instead

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It’s enough to make a grown man say “oh my gosh”

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But it’s alright, it’ll all come out in the wash

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I went back to the big box hardware store, and as soon as I walked through the door,

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They must’ve noticed the look of confusion on my face

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I was met by a friendly gal named Marie, who said she’d love to be of assistance to me,

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So I said where can I find the plumbing supplies in this place?

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She took me back to the aisle I needed, and walked away as I proceeded,

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To stare in awe at all the trinkets on the shelf

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There were valves and pipes and connectors and such, and to me it seemed like a little bit much,

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So I stood there trying to figure out what to do with myself

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I grabbed what I thought I could use, but when I got back home I was more confused,

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Because none of the things I’d bought were right for the job

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So I got in the car and drove once more, again to that big box hardware store,

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Intent on proving to them I wasn’t a slob

C               G       F#      Em
I’m under water and I’m over my head

A7                                      D
I tried to get my feet wet but I’m getting hosed instead

C                       G       F#      Em
It’s enough to make a grown man say “oh my gosh”

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But it’s alright, it’ll all come out in the wash

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This time I was met in the aisle, by a lady named Charlotte with a lovely smile,

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And she knew what I needed to complete my task

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She grabbed a flibberty-jibbet and a thingamajig, a whozit, a whatzit, and some whirlygigs,

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Threw ‘em in my buggy and said I was ready at last

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So I got back home for the umpteenth time, in a much better frame of mind,

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And I crawled up under the sink to get to work

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The flibberty-jibbet snapped right in place, and the thingamajig was a piece of cake,

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And I was slowly starting to feel like less of a jerk

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After all the parts were lined out, I took a deep breath because I had no doubt,

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The rest of this installation would be a cinch

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When I shoved the dishwasher into place, I’d like to have seen the look on my face,

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The dadblamed thing was too tall by half an inch

C                 G       F#      Em
I’m under water and I’m over my head

A7                                      D
I tried to get my feet wet but I’m getting hosed instead

C                       G       F#      Em
It’s enough to make a grown man say “oh my gosh”

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But it’s alright, it’ll all come out in the wash

G                   F#                      Em                     C
To make a long story kind of short, I don’t need a dishwasher no more,

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I solved that problem the best way I know how

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I moseyed on back to the big box mart, threw a couple of gas cans in my cart,

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Headed back home and burned my house to the ground

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But now I’ve got me a good dishwasher, and sometimes I sit back and watch ‘er,

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Do her thing and make it look so serene

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See I’m living with Charlotte, I made her my wife, and I won’t wash a dish for the rest of my life

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So I guess you could say I came out clean