Jesse Welles – The Ballad Of Big Balls (Guitar)

       G
When I heard the NRA was writing big ass checks,

G
I went right down to the office and I sent me next.

               C
They said, "Go eat to the school." Spread the good news.

                  G
I said, "I need a bulletproof vest and some good running shoes."

                   D7
They said, "We got those." I said, "Cool.

                               G    N.C.
Where at?" They said, "They're next to the spoons making everyone fat."

G
I was rolling my eyes like a rolling stone

G
When Uncle Huckabee called me on the telephone.

   C
He said, "I'm raising up money for people in need."

            G
I said, "Of course, Uncle Huck, that strip is starving indeed."

              D7
He said, "The Lord's at work here, boy. The job ain't done.

G    N.C.
Son, you need Jesus, and Jesus needs guns.

F  C             G
     It makes no sense.

F                  C                G
One man's terror is another man's defense.

G
When the holy golden toad spat him out of his mouth,

G
The technob billionaire goblin was about ko out,

       C
But he left behind big balls like some vestage of tail.

           G
Well, them balls went to town and got beat all to hell.

              D7
Some days the doging is easy. Some days the doging is hard.

         G      N.C.
When the doging don't work, he'd better call in the guard.

    G
The Citrus Caesar and the Thielian Pprince were

     C
Even I got distracted. That weather was bad.

             G
That was the iciest summer that I've ever had.

     D7
Some days I forget that Cracker Barrels exist.

                G  N.C.
But there ain't no one forgetting about that list.

F  C             G
     It makes no sense.

F                    C                 G
One man's crimes, another man's intelligence.

G
Then Thomas of Austin cried out to the Lord.

G
He said, "Them frogs might be gay,

      C
While television anchors talked at the air.

       G
Does a lie make a noise that there ain't nobody there?

               D7
There ain't no country for cable said the wisest of men.

     G     N.C.
Baby crank up the Tucker while I pack me a zyn

       G
It was getting kind of late so I went back to the morgue.

G
They were doing the autopsy of July 4th.

                  C
I said, "Hold the scalpel, boys. She ain't dead yet.

        G
I got a parlay on China we can still win the bet.

        D7
The technician was drunk on musketine wine.

              G                             N.C.
He said, "I'm going to Mars." I said, "Good riddance. Goodbye."

F  C             G
     It makes no sense.

        F                     C                     G
You can leave if you want, but all your problems go with.