Half Man Half Biscuit – Took Problem Chimp To The Ideal Home Show (Guitar)

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Chords

[Intro] G Em D G Em [Riff 1] G Em Bm D (x8) [Verse 1]
                    G       Em   Bm                  D
So banish me to the furnace,       I must own though

           G                Em    Bm                   D
My actions   were in no way born   out of some sort of Darwinist offensive

G                 Em            Bm                     D
 I just get a bit fidgety times; thumbs twiddle in the middle of a funfair

G              Em                Bm            D                   G               
 High jinks to break up the so-so, methinks we need a little ho ho ho

                 Bm                        D
Go - Earls Court;  a bag of rivets for the goon at the entrance

G                 Em                  Bm              D
 Straightways the floor gets slippery, eyes glaze and Bobby's getting jittery

G               Em                   Bm                       D
 Don't tease him, it don't please him - what's that? You want me to appease him?

G           Em           Bm              D7
 How so sir? with Tetris? Not possible - didn't bring the GameBoy
[Chorus]
G            Em           Am7   D7
Took problem chimp to the Ideal Home Show

G         Em      Am7         D7       G
Once in a while I need these  childish kicks

G            Em           Am7    D7
Took problem chimp to the Ideal  Home Show

G             Em       Am7     D7       G         
God speed the trial to cite my childish kicks
[Riff 1] G Em Bm D x2 [Bridge 1]
G           Em     Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G           Em     Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G           Em     Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G           Em     Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the (water)
[Verse 2]
               G        Em Bm                 D
 Brickbats for Sottsass,     bouquets for the chuckling footstool

G                Em      Bm            D
 In the heart of darkness there are no hassle free cabinets

G             Em             Bm       D
 Sometimes occasional tables, mid-air look kind of dangerous

G              Em           Bm           D
 Llewelyn-Bowen, two Carols, go on Bobby - both barrels

G                     Em                Bm                  D
 Three cheers for the infinite leaflets, ticker tape got me thinking of Kempes

G             Em             Bm                        D
Funky fabric, hip hip hooray, there's no stopping him, rip rip away

G           Em           Bm           D
Heaven yes, distant now, one imagines after this lot

G           Em                Bm              D
 Still, gasp   at his agility - albeit in the tree of tranquillity

G                       Em                  Bm                     D
Yes it's a mess I don't deny the crime, but look I've reduced your ironing time

G                      Em                    Bm                            D
Multifunctional, ain't that what you call it?  Well here's a thought: feel free to install it

G              Em              Bm                        D
 Your sink may well be superior, but we all stink once we reach the interior

G              Em                 Bm              D7
 Next week I'm taking him up west; we've not seen Lord of the Dance
[Chorus]
G            Em           Am7   D7
Took problem chimp to the Ideal Home Show

G         Em      Am7         D7       G
Once in a while I need these  childish kicks

G            Em           Am7    D7
Took problem chimp to the Ideal  Home Show

G             Em       Am7     D7       G         
God speed the trial to cite my childish kicks
[Riff 2] G Bm D x4 [Bridge 2]
G                  Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G                  Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G                  Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G                  Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G                  Bm          D
Wade in the water, wade in the water children

G                  Bm          D             
Wade in the water, wade in the water children