Half Man Half Biscuit – The Bane Of Constance (Guitar)

D                                        A
“Come now, Vince” she said, “we can’t continue in this way

D                                     A
Seems to me there’s something on your mind.

       D                         A
Should I accept a ride in a tiny craft about your head

D                                      A
Tell me, Vince, the truth what would I find?”

G                                    D
Horse-drawn yawns upon the driveway, Victory V ice cream in stock

C                G                D      
Eintracht Oblong, I should oil my chain.

G                              D
Our front door is Sagittarius, Tibor's kids are underfed

    C                   G                 D      A
And Heswall Flower Club, owe me one pound twelve.

D                                   A
This is what you’d find if you were in that craft today

D                                 A
Doubtless different were you to return.

  D                                   A
I would not blame you in the least if you cut short the flight

D                                      A
Make good your escape it’s not your concern.

G                                     D
Where’s the beetroot? Where the ibex? Dubbing mixer Freddie Slade

C              G              D      
Alpine lockjaw, it was on the cards.

G                       D
Can I buy inflatable dictators anywhere round here?

C                 G             D     A     D G  D G  D G  D A
Iron Age mums are haunting my cagoule.

D                                  C  G
Do stew, scoop off the roadkill.

D                                   C  G         
Straight sets, jet wash the Viceroy.

D                                  C  G
Sore heel, shite on the back nine. 

D                                  C  G         
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

       D                                 C  G
I said Midge Ure looks like a milk thief. 

         D        
Come on, Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

C                     G
You’re a fine looking woman, Mirabelle.

D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief. 

C                   G         
You still with that chiseller Idris?

D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

C                                G
Hey, he’s got the ginger beer concession outside the British Museum.

D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

C               G
We should go to Halfords some time.

D
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

C          G
You and me – not him.

D                                 C  G
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.

D                                 C  G    (fade)
Midge Ure looks like a milk thief.