Half Man Half Biscuit – Surging Out Of Convalescence (Ukulele)

F                    C                   F
Darts in soap operas, oh so wrong, oh so wrong

                            C                            F
No one's scoring and there's too much chat between easch throw

                              C                          F
Worse than this though is when cheers are raised for the bull

                                C
Granted, bull's a double and an out but I know that they don't

Gm         C       Gm   C    Gm      C      C7
Know their boards; I propose no soap darts.

F                    C                       F
Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat?

                          C                         F
Sometimes I like to watch wave rage down on Fistral Beach

                        C                       F
Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit

                          C
Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow;

Gm        C     Gm       C   Gm     C      C7
Strive in vain, for they say few succeed.

F                              C
I wrote to the Horse and Hounds to gloat over whay I'd done

F                      C
I stored their magazine in a data retrieval system

F
Well let's face it what're they going to do?

C
It's not as if they know where I live

    F                      C
And anyway I cut the caper back in 1984

F                  C
Heartbroken Matrons on joyless beds

    F                C
For those whose souls the iron has entered

F                            C
And if I get to Heaven's gate I'll doubtless have to wait

F                           C
While St. Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk

    F                            C
The inside of a Halex Three Star table-tennis ball

F                        C               F
Smells much like you'd expect it to.