Half Man Half Biscuit – Rsvp (Guitar)

       F                         Dm
On the bleakest day autumn could muster

     Bb                            C
In a church to which they'll not return

          F                           Dm
I thought back to a time when I could trust her

     Bb                         C
To a time when there wasn't John Byrne.

         Gm                           Bb
And in a cruel twist of fate which so often

  F                     C
Occurs in tales such as this

  F                       Dm
I found myself catering reception

               Bb               C
And there were urges I had to resist.

    F                             Dm
Not least 'cos John Byrne is much fitter

        F               Bb           C     C7
And the straightener to him holds no fears

          F                A7              Dm     F
So if the chocolate in the fountain tastes bitter

       Bb               C             F      (as intro)
It's because it's been laced with my tears.

    F                       Dm
Celebrations were well underway when

    Bb                        C
Her father prayed silence and spoke

              F                     Dm
He said "It's not like I'm losing a daughter as..."

Bb                     C
(Violently starting to choke).

         Gm                           Bb
And in a gesture which said "I'm fast fading

      F               C
Could somebody dial 999?"

   F                    Dm
He valiantly toasted my capers

       Bb             Bb             C
With a glass of what he thought was wine.

       F              Dm         Bb            C
It was gone half past ten before folk cottoned on

   F              A7         Dm    (instr)
By which time I'd landed in Wick.

      F                         Dm
So if what's in the fondue's to die for

         F          Bb          C     C7
It's got nothing to do with the cheese

       F             A7              Dm     F
And if what's in the punchbowl seems lethal

       Bb             C           F
It's because it's two-thirds anti-freeze.