Half Man Half Biscuit – National Shite Day (Guitar)

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Versions (2)

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Chords

[Intro] D Am C F x10 [Verse]
D                   Am             C
Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on

F         D                     Am   C  F
Spindrift stinging my remaining eye

  D                  Am
I finally managed to reach the station

C                     F                           D          Am  C  F
Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down

      D                   Am
After wondering to myself whether or not it should

C                    F
Actually be called a train replacement service

  D                   Am
I walked out onto the concourse

    C                 F                          D
And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with

Am            C              F
Probably by a junior employee

D              Am                   C                       F
Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM

  D                     Am            C
Involving a tug-of-love custody battle;

F                 D         Am  C  F    D  Am  C  F
Stockard Channing held sway

D                       Am                       C
Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots

         F            D
Without due care or attention

     Am             C                     F
I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette

  D        Am                      C               F       D  Am  C  F
I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin

D             Am             C              F              D  Am  C  F
Fat kids with sausage rolls,   poor sods conducting polls

          D                       Am                   C       F  D  Am  C  F
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets

D                                 Am
I tried to put everything into perspective

C                  F              D
Set it against the scale of human suffering

      Am                C
And I thought of the Mugabe government

        F                        D         Am  C
And the children of the Calcutta railways

                   F              D         Am       C  F
This works for a while but then I encounter Primark FM

    D      Am        C     F              E
Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white
[Chorus]
A     Eb  E                               A     Eb  E
Shite Day,  I guess this must be National Shite Day

                             A     Eb  E
This surely must be National Shite Day

                            A     Eb
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day
[Instrumental] D Am C F x8
D    Am  C         F     D     Am  C        F   D  Am  C  F
Float        float on    Float       float on

D    Am  C  F     D  Am  C  F
Barry    Herpes
[Verse]
D                   Am
I got a letter from Stringy Bob

C             F          D                 Am
"Still on suicide watch, screws not happy

                C                   F         D
Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association

             Am      C          F
Was roundly ignored; what news you?"

D   Am                   C   F
       I felt sorry for him

                                     D
He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences

Am                   C                    F        D
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary

             Am           C             F                D
Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up

                       Am              C          F
And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool

       D                 Am    C             F            D  Am  C  F
With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?"

D                    Am                         C          F
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press

D                   Am      C      F
"Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc

D            Am       C             F               D        Am  C  F
Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest

D            Am                     C                     F
I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills

D                  Am                 C                    F
To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs

    D               Am                       C   F   D  Am  C  F
His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow

  D                          Am                  C     F
I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket

D                 Am                                     C   F   D  Am  C  F
All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark

D                 Am               C   F   E
May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob
[Chorus]
A     Eb E                          A     Eb E
Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day

                          A     Eb E
It all points to National Shite Day

                               A     Eb    E7b13
Someone's declared it National Shite Day

A     Eb E                          A     Eb E
Shite Day, my birthday and National Shite Day

                           A     Eb E
No bog roll, it's National Shite Day

                             A     Eb
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day
[Instrumental]
D  Am  C  F
(repeat to fade)