Eminem – The Real Slim Shady (Ukulele)

   Em                         Am 
Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

      B7                          Em
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door

Em                         Am
and started whoopin her ass worse than before

          B7                       Em 
they were first divorced, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!)

Em                              Am
It's the return of the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,

B7                          Em
he didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

Em                 Am
And Dr. Dre said... nothing you idiots!

B7                   Em
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!)

Em                    Am
Feminist women love Eminem

                B7
chigga chigga chigga

                   Em
"Slim Shady, I'm sick of him look at him, 

Em                    Am
Walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what

              B7                           Em
Flippin the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"

Em                                   Am
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

     B7                         Em
But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' bedrooms

Em                      Am                                B7 
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't

                               Em
but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

Em                          Am   
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

       B7                          Em
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

     Em                            Am  
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

     B7                              Em 
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

     Em                               Am 
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is

                      B7
By the time they hit fourth grade

                Em
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?

Em                      Am                            B7
"We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, some of us cannibals

               Em
who cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP]

Em                   Am  
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

B7                                      Em
then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

           Em                   Am
[*EWWW!*] But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

B7                          Em
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

        Em                   Am
'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady

         B7                  Em
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

    Em                          Am
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,

B7                Em
please stand up, please stand up?

Em                                   Am
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records;

B7                          Em
well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

      Em                          Am
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

              B7                            Em
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

      Em                        Am
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

B7                                 Em
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

        Em                Am
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?

B7                        Em
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

        Em                    Am
so I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

      B7                              Em
and hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Em                           Am
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV

             B7                             Em
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"

         Em                     Am
I should download her audio on MP3

              B7                      Em
and show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD [AHHH!]

Em                                Am                        B7
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

                Em
so I have been sent here to destroy you [bzzzt]

Em                            Am                
And there's a million of us just like me

     B7                            Em
who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me

     Em                            Am
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me

     B7                           Em
and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

            Em                       Am
I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin you

B7                                    Em
things you joke about with your friends inside your living room

   Em                  Am
The only difference is I got the balls to say it

             B7                          Em
in front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all

Em                   Am
I just get on the mic and spit it

         B7                              Em
and whether you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it

             Em                      Am
better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

                B7                          Em
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums

      Em                    Am
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty

B7                               Em
I'll be the only person in the nursin home flirting

Em                      Am
Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off with Jergens

     B7                                Em
And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

     Em                        Am
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin

     B7                               Em
He could be workin at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings

         Em                      Am 
[*HACH*] Or in the parkin lot, circling

                B7
Screaming "I don't give a fuck!"

                   Em
with his windows down and his system up

Em                         Am
So, will the real Shady please stand up?

    B7                           Em
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

         Em                     Am
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control

    B7                         Em
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?