Bloodhound Gang – A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying (Guitar)

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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into

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It had been a While. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that 

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I had picked up this Hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of 

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Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.

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Well, that night I lost myself To ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. 

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Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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Well I find it's quite a thrill

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When she grinds me against her will

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Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come up to me and starts 

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 Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', 

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 'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled,

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 Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would 

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 wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. 

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 And Then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. 

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 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

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So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, 

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"Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a 

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lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on

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"Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm 

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parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.

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Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit 

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it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby Formula.

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Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The 

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There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw 

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Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.

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So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. 

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You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the

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One-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. 

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I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?