Amanda Palmer – A Mothers Confession (Guitar)

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Our son is four months old his name is Anthony or Ash for short

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And he's too small to do things by himself

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We were in LA over Christmas in a rental and we jury-rigged a place

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To change his diapers on a shelf

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I was peeing in the bathroom and had left him for a second

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'Cause I thought he couldn't move and he was safe

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As I came out I saw him falling in slow motion to the floor

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It was probably the worst moment of my life

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And then I accidentally stole a thing of chapstick from the safeway

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I didn't see it 'til I got out to the car

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I would have usually returned it but I was overwhelmed

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And late to take the baby to my cousins which was far away

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In my defense, I'd bought like 87 dollars worth of groceries

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And the chapstick was a dollar 99

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I know it wasn't the right thing to use

   C
My newborn child as an excuse

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But it felt like a good reason at the time

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And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried

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And as I pulled onto the highway I said right

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At least the baby didn't die

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At least the baby didn't die

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And then we went to Sarasota

   C
To see Neil's cousin Helen

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For her birthday she just turned ninety-nine

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We were also there for Sidney

        C
Who was ninety-four two days before

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But he was sick, so mostly it was Ash and Helen time

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She survived the Warsaw ghetto

        C
And she always says I love you"

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When she sees you 'cause she knows you never know

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She'd worked for months while I was pregnant

     C
On a gorgeous handmade blanket

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Her almost-hundred-year-old hands crocheting every row

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I'd been emailing her pictures of the baby and the blanket

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Every day since she had sent it in the mail

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But they were of one that someone else had knitted

C
She was really nice about it

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Then I went and shoplifted a pair of ugly sunglasses

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From Goodwill (they were on my head

    C
I'd tried them on and left them there)

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But that's not really bad compared to

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When we left the baby in the car

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At least he wasn't in there very long

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 And not directly in the sun

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And thank god no-one walking by happened to notice what we'd done

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I'm even scared to put these lyrics in a song

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Everything is relative and everyone's related

Gm              A#
I can't do that much right now

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But take care of this baby

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I figure everything's technically all right

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If at least this baby doesn't die

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And then I took a plane to Washington alone

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So we could visit Jason Webley who's his godfather

    C
And plays a mean accordion

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I couldn't wait to see him and share tales of our disasters

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Over dinner in his houseboat when I saw I'd lost my passport

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So I got a rush appointment at the place where you replace them

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And I drove the baby in and on the way I got a speeding ticket

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When the cop came to the window I was shaking and I said "I'm sorry"

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But you couldn't hear me that's how loud the sound of screaming was

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Cause he was hungry and I think that I was speeding

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Cause I panic when I hear him cry

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My god what kind of a mother am i

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And as I pulled out of the breakdown lane I cried

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And as I pulled out on the highway I said right

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At least the baby didn't die

   A#        F           C
At least the baby didn't die"

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While I was waiting for my passport I was hungry so

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I twittered for a coffee in the neighborhood

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And there I saw a woman who was sitting at the bar

           C
And it was noon and she was drinking

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And she called across the diner to me How old is your baby?"

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And she smiled at us nursing

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And she said she had a daughter who was grown

             F
And then she paused

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And said she also had a son

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And when I'd paid and was about to leave

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I picked him up and crossed the room and touched her sleeve

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I said, Hey, this baby wanted to say hi"

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And she held him tight and she started to cry

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And I'm sorry that this story's gotten long

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And that everybody's crying in this song

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And then I got back in the car I turned the radio and heater on

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And sat there with the baby in the back

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And they were talking about Syria and climate change and ISIS

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And the candidates' positions on Iraq

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I feel so useless in this universe

  C
I know I could be doing worse

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I'm trying hard to stay at peace inside

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I know it's hard to be a parent

         C
But this mess is so gigantic

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i wonder if I should have had a child

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And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried

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And as I pulled out on the highway I said

C
 right

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At least the baby didn't die

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At least the baby didn't die

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At least the baby didn't die!!

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At least the baby didn't die!!

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(i may not make it to the passport place on time!)

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(and they might revoke my license for a while!!)

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(and I might get caught for retroactive theft!!)

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(and I might get turned into the DSS!)

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But at least the baby didn't die"